I want to lose myself

I want to lose myself.
Because the truth is that
I am full of myself.

An officer, professor,
This and that.
Positions come, and then alter.

But I identify
With these roles
Forgetting they all pass by.

When will I be able
To go beyond roles
Even when in them I revel?

A big role or tidbit,
My experience is
Ultimately they all restrict.

So I want to lose
That self which is
Just a hodgepodge of hues.

I want to find the real me
Good or bad, I don't care
As long as it's not a fantasy.

To know my truth
That's all I care
Even if it doesn't soothe.