Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ready to Die

Dreams, be they the type you get in sleep or the waking kind, are an important part of our life. I had always been little bit of a day dreamer, but from a little over a year ago, I also started paying attention to the dreams in my sleep. What impelled me to attend to my dreams was a spiritual dream that had a profound impact on me. I might have had spiritual dreams before but it was for the first time I had dreamt something that coincided perfectly with some independent events in waking life that I had no prior knowledge of. This dream made me question my complete reliance on rational thought. Following this experience, I read up a few books that talked about dreams. Gradually, I was also motivated to keep a journal of my dreams. Actually, I had done this before as well during my undergrad years, but was never regular about it. Later, I had a few more high-impact dreams, following which I got into a habit of writing down my dreams immediately after I woke up from bed. After noting down my dreams, I also try to interpret them and discover the wisdom that may exist in them. Of course, I fail to make sense of a lot of my dreams. Even for the ones that I seem to have made some sense of, I have later realized that they didn’t mean what I had initially thought they meant. Dream interpretation is difficult, but now I do take the time to appreciate the wisdom in my sub-conscious mind.

Yesterday, influenced by a dream, I came up with a bucket list. It’s a list of all the crazy things I want to do before I die. Well, the word “crazy” is of course relative, but my list primarily includes activities that (at least) I can’t do by merely wishing for it or just showing up somewhere. To achieve most of the things on my list, I will have to work hard, sometimes extremely hard for a prolonged period of time.

I won’t go over my list here now, but I will surely share some of the things on my list as I start realizing them. I am not sharing my list now, because sharing the list can actually reduce the likelihood of me fulfilling my dreams. This is suggested by some recent psychological and neuropsychological research: When we share our valued goals publicly, our brain feels rewarded by this sharing the very same way it enjoys the achievement itself. Consequently, this reduces the motivation needed to work on the achievement of those goals. That said I did share my list with a just couple of people. If my bucket list gets completed derailed because of this, then so be it. I don't care about the derailment because I have strangely become a very content man. This is a very new development. I use to ruminate, complain, and worry a lot in my mind, but now my mind feels very calm.

The change must have been happening below the surface slowly, but it's manifestation has definitely been pretty sudden. No, nothing great has suddenly happened in my life that has brought me to this state. In fact, just a couple of hours ago, I learnt that something that I was wishing for is not going to work out, but fortunately, that didn’t affect my feeling of contentment with life. The feeling is almost like being on drugs, though frankly I don't know if this is a correct comparison because I have never had any drugs in my life. Somehow I feel so completely satisfied with life that it almost feels like I am ready to die. I’m not sure what exactly caused this transition in me. Nor do I know how long this state is going to last, but right now I am reveling in this deep sense of gratitude and contentment that has engulfed me. Oh, what a wonderful state it is to be in, where there are wishes, goals, and even a drive, but no yearning and no lamentations! O' Time, whatever you bring with you, I welcome you!


  1. Ya Paresh may be i can imagine a state of mind what you have now,Its good that you are feeling contented with dreams. Actually its a state of mind where one would not have anxieties and fears its a fearless state where one can live in real sense of life with at most pleasant way. It is a state of freedom and state of fulfilling great dreams.
    Have fun in life.

  2. Hi, Prachi, thank you for your comment. I like your description of being in an anxiety-less and fearless state. I'm not sure I can call myself being fearless, but I definitely feel less anxious and a higher level of freedom. And it's all by the grace of the power above us. I sure feel blessed.

  3. Hey Paresh, May this state continue for a very long time for you. It is a beautiful place to be in..meditation helps one reach this state of neutrality,neither happiness nor sorrow,Just Be!! Simmi

  4. Thanks again, Simmi! Appreciate your wishes. :)